Simon is 27, and it's a tragedy. His young person's travelcard has expired, and worse than that, he's attracted to his dad's fiancÚ.
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Susan's convinced Simon has a thing for women with authority. He's determined to prove her wrong, but the fact that his new policewoman girlfriend Maggie is coming into the school to talk about drugs doesn't help his case.
Simon's terrified his sex life is diminishing after he and Maggie go for a few days without any action, and then feels intimidated when he learns she's had sex in all sorts of interesting places he hasn't. Meanwhile, Susan struggles with her new Head of Year job, and when she invites Simon and Maggie to dinner, it's obvious her troubles extend into her marriage as well.
It's open evening, and the already overworked Susan is pushed past breaking point when her husband turns up angrily demanding she accompany him to his work dinner. She storms off, leaving everyone to assume she's had some kind of nervous breakdown.
Pornography has been circulating around the school with staff's faces superimposed on the participants, including - much to Brian and Kurt's amusement - a delightful depiction of Simon and Bob engaged in an act of tender lovemaking.
The time has come for Simon's big interview, and he finds out if he'll get to keep his job. Meanwhile Liz celebrates uncovering the gossip of a lifetime in the form of Kurt's secret relationship with Carol, and she's not afraid to share her remarkable discovery with the others.