Put children to good use, say, as golf clubs. Beware of explosive postcards. Beware of library books - you never where they've been. And in case you didn't know: Hitler's hair parting was the secret of his success.
Watch Absolutely - Series 2 Online Free
Dullard Calum Gilhooley entertains Jehovah's witnesses, Welsh DIY wizard Denzil discovers his wife Gwynedd to be 17 years pregnant and there's a floorshow from the world's only dyslexic mindreader.
What is the disease of the week? Which new inventions have emerged from the mind of the great Macglashan? What do fish talk about? Tune in for the answers.
Stoneybridge Council plot their bid for the 1996 Olympic games, there's nothing as fun as a nun and there's advice from the wardrobe on how dangerous things can prove dangerous.
Don and George spend some time at a hotel, the misadventures of a sleepwalking man are revealed, there's an alarm clock calamity and the dedicated followers of Frank are not to be put off easily.
The Nice family go for a drive, a little girl discusses aeroplanes, a baby's in the dock and a sheepdog's in the pub.
The mystery of how to attract ladies is unravelled, the Bowling Club host their General Annual Meeting and it turns out that not even the Nice family are above a bit of bondage.
Learn about the inner workings of an old people's home, or the inner workings of an old person's mind with the last write for Bert Bastard. And what's the deal with businessmen and phones?